Christmas Eve & Christmas Day:

Christmas Eve Day:

6:30am: (Lily) The alarm goes off and WOW, the tiredness is already over-whelming. The desire to beat the crowds at the grocery store and avoid the carnage, the tears, the blood, over-powers the tiredness and I press on. I wake Arwyn up, put Scooby-Doo on the TV and get her breakfast. While the toast cooks, I move down the hallway, trip on one cat before the other races to get in front of me and waits at the bedroom door, ready to pounce upon uncharted territory since we keep the bedrooms off limits to the felines.
"J.J, wake up!" leaving the door open to allow the cats to jump on him to aid in waking him up. I move across the hallway to Arwyn's room and let her know that Scooby-Doo is on. Oh, she looks tired, she didn't go to bed until late last night, yet she too carries herself out of bed and settles in the lounge room.

7:05am: We make it to the grocery store and get what we want with relative ease within an hour. A mutual agreement is made between the three of us to have breakfast at The Coffee Club (the only place open at the same time as the grocery store). J.J chooses the big breakfast, I choose eggs benedict with the healthy topping option of mushrooms and spinach and Arwyn opts to have the children's pancakes which upon arrival have little Christmas trees cut out and place on top. J.J isn't looking the best today and has starting to use his walking cane to aid him getting around. He's in pain; he's in pain and I can do nothing. I moan a little about how sore my thigh muscles are, from what I couldn't say, but every step I take ....aches. I look at J.J and berate myself internally for complaining about pain - mine is nothing next to his.
That's it, we are done, Christmas presents wrapped, food and beverage stock plentiful, fuel in car tank - WE ARE READY FOR CHRISTMAS!
10:27am: J.J is exhausted. Just going out for two hours has really done him in. His temperature is up, not near the 38 degrees Celsius, which in patients under-going chemotherapy means hospitalisation, but he is near enough. He takes a couple of paracetamol and lies down under the fan. Arwyn is a little cranky herself. I know it's from her late night and early morning so I try and make her comfortable in the lounge room as I prepare to go out and tackle another section of the yard. I hate yard work... and if I didn't have a home based business in childcare in which the yard must stay respectable, I would just let nature over-take the fucking thing.

11:42am: Sitting in front of the computer in nothing but my shorts and bra. It's hot. It's so fucking hot. And I'm paranoid. An hour and fifteen minutes doing yard work and all my brain can do is wonder how many ticks I have on me. To date in the five years we have lived here I have only ever had one tick; in my book, ones enough.  I've trimmed, I've pruned, I've yanked, I've raked. My legs have scratches up and down and I'm probably only half complete on the yard work. I begged the Heavens to rain down upon me for some relief yet she pretty much spat on me once with a "fuck you too!"

Our next door neighbour is a 75+ man. He lost his wife to cancer about a year before we moved in. He now too has cancer and J.J and him are playing tag team as to who is in hospital and who is at home. Poor bugger also popped his hernia out over the weekend just past but according to his daughter, J.J is still worse off then her dad. I rip out another weed and realise that the pain in my thighs is from doing exactly that.

For the first time in my drinking career which begun at the legal age of 18, I am having a drink before noon. Prior to that, I always said having a drink before 5pm made you an alcoholic. I wonder what you are when you have one before noon? HAPPY? and rewarded for doing stuff in the yard.

J.J's still asleep. I check on him, to see if he is breathing. Silly I know because he is no where near that stage (I hope) in his finale yet it reminds me of going into Arwyn's room when she was a baby just to make sure she was breathing. Hell, I still do that sometimes when she is completely still in bed and her breathing is barely a whisper of breath.
12:15pm: J.J clutching a pillow arises from the bed room. I ask how he is feeling and he barely responds with the exception of a slight nod tilt and raise of eyebrow. I'll take that response as a deafening "no".
I think I will go and have my shower and see how many ticks go burrowing into my flesh.

22:04:
The day has pretty much gone by, a few moments of depression, moments of sheer excitement from Arwyn who is so excited that Santa is coming this evening. All day she was asking about who was on the naughty list and was she on the nice list. Feeling very tired right now however watching "Love Actually", J.J's spirits seem to be a little bit better.

23:50: J.J and I put the presents out and I have all the stealth power of a grand piano dropping from a great height. J.J was on Arwyn watch to make sure she stayed asleep. Bedtime!


CHRISTMAS DAY.
Merry Christmas everyone - thank you for all the well wishes, phone calls, thoughts and notes. We wish everyone good health with a lovely day spent with friends and family. xxx
6:35am: (Lily) Arwyn comes into our room which means I lost the bet as I had the time slot between 6:50am - 7:20am picked out for her wake up time. She's one very excited girl who is bouncing around the house. J.J takes a pillow and settles on the floor near the tree and myself. During this time we receive phone calls from my brother, my sister and father and then later in the day, J.J's parents. J.J wanted to make breakfast but felt too ill to do so, so pancakes were made for Arwyn and then Eggs and Bacon for J.J and I.
9:35am I am cleaning the laundry, toilet and bathroom while Arwyn is busy with her toys. J.J has settled to lying on the lounge and I feel like the house is never going to be clean. I know I have people saying don't clean, let the house go... but honestly I can't do that, especially when hygiene is important around a loved one having chemotherapy. It has to be done and with so few days off, better I do it now then to leave it. Laundry also put on and hung out.

11:30am I finally get to sit down and settle in to watch a "Muppet Christmas Carol". Muppets are huge for me - I love the humour.... classic Muppets, not Muppets Tonight or this year's movie Muppets. I just wish Arwyn would get more into them.

12:30pm: J.J has made lunch. He wasn't up for cooking the Roast Duck he had planned so instead we just did a quick pasta with bacon, mushrooms, capsicum and garlic. Yum!

13:30: J.J has gone to the bedroom for a nap and Arwyn is busily playing with her toys. She has asked me to paint her nails and put some lip gloss on her lips (stocking fillers) and so that is where I happily go off to now.

16:00: (Lily) We arrive at my aunt and uncle's house for Christmas Day Afternoon. I'd like to take this moment and write about my relatives.

As a child, I didn't have many relatives that lived close by. An hour and a half down the old Sydney highway to my Nan's house (my dad's side of the family) aunt, uncle and cousins and then the monstrous drive up north to Brisbane to my Gran & Pop (mum's side), and aunts and uncles. Because of distance, we rarely saw either. Life happens, I get that now, but I always wanted to be apart of those families where the cousins grew up together and there was a family get together every other week. I wanted that closeness that some of my friends had. As such, when it did come time to visit relatives - I loved it!  When we went to my Nan's house in Botany, I use to love sitting in the lounge room or at the kitchen table and eat the meals that my uncle cooked. Lots of Roasts in the memory but even simple spaghetti bolognese  is still a memory etched upon my mind. It was also where my older cousin and my sister and brother would often run away from me, and not let me join in on their games (the down fall of any youngest sibling). To this day, I still remember being locked in the old style phone booths that have the folding glass door by the three of them. They ran around and around the booth singing a taunting song about my name, laughing the entire time. All I remember is crying a tsunami worth of tears and running back to my Nan's house.

It was different up north. My mum was the only one at that stage to have any children and so being the youngest and of course the cutest, I was in my element with uncles and aunts (U's & A's) who were only just getting together at that point. My sister didn't have anyone to hang around with which usually meant it was her and I against our brother (if a fight ever arose). My U's & A's were so much fun. Now they may remember things differently but this is what I remember. My U's & A's were younger than my parents - they were always given the title "cool". As children we would often sneak into their rooms early morning to wake them up which would always result in tickle fights and at night I would harass them into reading me story after story just to get them to stay that little bit longer with me.

Now I don't know who is reading this in the family, however if you are an aunt or uncle and you realise I am not speaking about you I mean no disrespect it's just that I have had different relationships with each of you growing up and as an adult.

For me, I have two couples that I loved and still love just being around them and their families. They are always welcoming, they make you feel relaxed and comfortable the minute you walk in their doors. I mean there are times I feel uncomfortable in my own sibling's presence in comparison to the welcome that you are given and it's not just from my U's & A's it's from their own extended families who have no ties to me at all. And I love it! I love every minute of it and use to wish and sometimes still do wish that they would adopt me.  :)

Today Arwyn, J.J and I were invited to their house with the other couple I love being around. Upon arrival I am greeted by my aunt's brother who gives me the nicest, longest hug I have had. And a lot can be said about a hug. This hug said that " I know your in pain, I know you are having a difficult time, but if you need it, say the word and I'll help in anyway that I can". It sounds ludicrous that so much can be said from a hug, but I'm not lying, this is just the way this family makes you feel. And then my aunt's brother actually said ' How are you doing? If you need anything, just let me know." In the entire course of the afternoon /evening, each one of my aunt's siblings and mother each gave me a hug that lasted the longest of times, and again each one was saying to me " I know your in pain, I know you are having a difficult time, but if you need it, say the word and I'll help in anyway that I can" and then they would actually say " If you need anything, just let me know". And I can't believe I have tears coming down my face while typing this. Being made to feel apart of something, apart of a family just has that affect I guess.... being an emotional crazy woman probably helps as well.

I love my aunts and I love my uncles. They have welcomed J.J without hesitation and are completely concerned and sincere with what is happening to him. They constantly ring for updates and to see how he is. They visit him in hospital when they can and treat Arwyn as though she were a grandchild and not just a great niece. So I just want to take this moment to say thank you, thank you for being there in whatever capacity you can be and thank you for a lovely Christmas for Arwyn, J.J and myself. We do appreciate everything that the four of you do.
22:30: Arrive home, J.J ready to pass out, Arwyn still bouncing off the walls. Wish I could go to bed, but need Arwyn asleep. Hoping everyone had a Merry Christmas.

xxxxxxx

J.J,:
I wasn't sure how I would be this Christmas. As I wrote in Remembrance of things past, Christmas is my favourite time of the year and as this is possibly my last, I knew it was going to be a rollercoaster of a ride.  Christmas Eve began far too early, I had just started sleeping well again, or I should I say I have started sleeping again. And it seemed like I had just closed my eyes when Lily was waking me up to tackle the day. My love is right, it was a rough day. I was tired, my back, legs, belly hurt. I felt like I'd gone a  round with the champ.

Plus I was feeling - well, it ranged from depressed, angry, delicate, numb and indifferent all in a one second loop.

We got the shopping done in record time, although I was in such a fog from the pain killers and sleeping tablets, I hardly recall any of it. But, with Lily's energy and planning we were finished in record time. So quickly in fact that we had an hour to kill until the bottle shop opened, which meant it was time for breakfast. Yum.

Time for home and a nap. The nap does make me feel better and we potter around the house. As each minute ticks by Arwyn's excitement becomes more and more palpable. Question after question about Santa abounds.
"How does Santa get in our house when we don't have a chimney?"
"Will Rudolph play with the kitties?"
"What drink should we give Rudolph?"
"Can I sleep in the room with the Christmas tree?"
"When Santa comes, can you get a picture with him and Rudolph?"
"Can you wake me up when Santa comes so I can give him a hug and say thank you?"
"Can you ask Santa to make sure he doesn't miss any kids house."

The last three really got me.

Well, the time finally came to tuck our little Princess in, so that visions of sugar plums could dance in her head. We all got comfy on her bed and read Merry Christmas Little Mouse and 'Twas the night before Christmas she snuggled in her excitement barely concealed and shooed us out so she could sleep and get Santa here even faster.

Lily and I settled down to watch a couple of movies together while waiting for the little princess to be deeply asleep before putting some presents under the tree. Fatigue overcame both of us and we drifted off for a short summers nap.

Christmas day - I woke up, it was 6:25 .....hmmm suspicion.
It was quiet, too quiet.
O.K. who am I to argue, I close my eyes and wait.
It didn't take long, at 6:35 our bedroom door is flung open and "Mummy! Mummy! Daddy! Daddy! Get up! Santa came! Santa brought presents!"
"Did he? O.K. we'll be there in a minute, you go wait at the tree for us."
A quick Merry Christmas and I love you between Lily and I and we head off to see our little girl in her joyous rapture.
Now, I want to note that last year Arwyn aged 4 tore through the entire stockpile of presents in approximately five minutes. Hardly even looking at what the gift was before tearing into the next.
This year, each one was excitedly opened, with expressions of "I wonder what this one is?",  "who is this one from?", "WoW! It's just what I wanted, thank you (insert appropriate name here)".
There was no greed of asking if there were more, there was no disappointment about any of the gifts. It was perfect behaviour.
We moved onto breakfast, pancakes and maple syrup for Arwyn and bacon and eggs for Lily and I.
Everything progressed exactly as it should have.
The phone calls from relatives.
Putting the batteries in the toys.
Cleaning up the wrapping paper.
Figuring our how the electronic ones work.
Snacking.
Having Christmas lunch.
Napping.
Then the drive to spend time with loved relatives.
I love the warmth and greeting of family on the holidays.
I love walking into a house that is just packed with family and friends, where all are welcomed and accepted.
The conversation, food, drink and stories are passed around.
Happiness was had by one and all.
More naps.
Arwyn was once again in her element as the centre of attention.
She showed insane jealous when her "boyfriend" cousin Doug introduced his girlfriend. Fortunately, Doug and Cassie were very switched on and Arwyn was allowed to be Doug's special girlfriend.
The evening was capped off with leftovers, cards and heartfelt wishes of health and happiness for the coming year.
It was, without any doubt in my mind, a perfect Christmas.
I want to thank my family, and friends over the world.
I want to thank my extended family here in Australia for making me a part of their family.
I want to thank the spirit of Christmas in all its various forms.
I want to thank my little girl for being the perfect, loving, caring, silly, happy person she is.
I want to thank and tell my beautiful wife for all that she does, all that she carries, all that she hides and all that she is how much I always have and always will love her.

Merry Christmas to all.