With a little help from my friends...

(Please note: if you are reading this blog for the first time, you need to start with the post entitled " The reason" which can be found in the 2011 Archive)

Blog entry preceding this one is "The week that was chemo (ROUND 2- of the current Treatment)".

"When you're in your thirties it's very hard to make a new friend. Whatever the

group is that you've got now that's who you're going with.You're not interviewing, you're not looking at any new people, you're not interested in seeing any applications. They don't know the places. They don't know the food. They don't know the activities, If I meet a guy in a club on the gym or someplace I'm sure you're a very nice person you seem to have a lot of potential, but we're just not hiring right now. Of course when you're a kid, you can be friends with anybody. Remember when you were a little kid what were the qualifications? If someone's in front of my house NOW, That's my friend, they're my friend. That's it. Are you a grown up.? No. Great! Come on in. Jump up and down on my bed. And if you have anything in common at all, You like Cherry Soda? I like Cherry Soda! We'll be best friends!"

From the Seinfeld Script "The Boyfriend (1)"

Written by Larry David and Larry Levin.

The Early Years:

Lily: I liked Seinfeld. I was never a huge fan, but if it was on and there was nothing else of interest on TV, Seinfeld was always my program I'd go to in need. The above quote has always seemed to resonate with me, in particular after I moved away from my hometown where I had lived all my life and what Seinfeld says about friends is completely and utterly true. 

In my childhood you had the "neighbourhood kids" of all ages plus the friends you made in your own class.  Someone would hang out in front of the house and the next moment we're playing basketball in the driveway. You lost one friend to a move or to them being a complete butt wad but a new friend was just around the corner on a bike.

I have some lasting memories of my neighbourhood friends. Lara and her sister Karen, Amanda and her brother Nathan, and finally Adam and his brothers. 

Lil & Amanda K.

Karen, Lil & Lara

These were my go to people. Together we were always making cubbies along the creek embankments next to our houses. We would camp in the backyards and put performances on for our parents. We had  sleep-overs, bullrush (tag) in the front yard, road-tennis, cricket and hide n seek.  When Adam and his siblings moved into the neighbourhood the games became a bit more brutal (boys will do that) with tackle bullrush, brandings with a wet tennis ball (so it would hurt more), water-fights and footy. 

Dressing up, Amanda K. and I married her little brother Nathan to Lara. Karen was the flower girl and I the bridesmaid.

Rachel and Lil dressed up for school social.

When I wasn't doing something with this group just up the road was Rachel who I had known since kindergarten. She was in the white house up on the hillside where the majority of her family lived upstairs while her grandmother lived downstairs with her Siamese cat "Sam". I didn't like Sam. Beautiful cat yet he always seemed to lay in wait ready to take a swipe the moment you walked through the doors. Next door to her was Kirsty. Kirsty was the friend willing to do anything. You could dare her to swing from the rafters and she'd do it blind-folded, one hand tied behind the back while smoking a cigarette. I have a few memories of Kirsty. One in which her, her brother Darryn, my brother and I went up the hillside into the bush to smoke cigarettes. For me they were my first and I absolutely hated it. My other predominant memory I have is being out the back of Rachel's house in her little log cubby house and Kirsty swinging a hand-axe around near my toes. That was the day it felt as though Rachel and Kirsty were ganging up on me (butt-wads), also the day I decided never to be their friends again and yet a few days/weeks later we were all friends again. All kids are butt-wads, myself included.   

Adam and I were the same age. Early on in the relationship I was given a Christmas card from him that ended with "love Adam". He was teased by our older siblings and he took the card back off me, scribbled out "love" and then threw the card back at me before running off. Right then, I knew we would never be boyfriend and girlfriend (not that I wanted that because boys were icky in that way) and somehow a friendship of sorts formed. Probably out of boredom but after our childhood games we would spend the twilight hours throwing a ball through a hoop and talk about everything and nothing. In high school this continued, however to me, our relationship was more about the girls that I hung around with that had Adam's attention. Could I tell them messages? Could I ask them around and somehow I became a go between for Adam and a friend called Samantha.

I'm sure everyone wishes their childhood could have lasted that little bit longer or in the very least recognise the true value of it. I loved riding my bike around the valley with my friends. I loved fishing for eels in the back creeks, or jumping off the top of the wall down onto the sandy embankments. I loved the bush walking we use to do taking Snake Gully, through the rocks, swinging yourself up a tree onto the rocks to discover "lounge rock" and feel like you were the first kid to have been there.

Of my childhood friends I am friends with all of them on face book. I like having them there. To see how their lives turned out, their families of their own, just knowing I have a childhood connection there is comforting even, if I never speak to them again. I like knowing that if we were both inclined to talk, the opportunity is there.

Friends in my thirties:

The writers of Seinfeld had it correct; it is very hard to make new friends in your thirties. I would actually go and say it was even hard in your twenties to make new friends. And to clarify here, I am talking about the kind of friends that are “keepers”, not just a work mate who you sometimes get together with, or someone attached to your sport /craft / dance club – I’m referring to people in your life where it doesn’t matter where they live, who they marry, what job they do, how many kids they have, how much baggage they have that you have placed in “the vault”, you will always be there for them in needs of peril and vice versa. You may have heard their stories a million times over, you may hate it when they speak the truth about a dress you try on, but it doesn’t matter because in the end, they are one of the select few who “get you”.

For me out of a group of ten to fifteen girls from high school only two have made it to a “still in contact” / “get you” point. This is no disrespect to the girls I have reconnected with on face book who were apart of the group, as I love being able to reconnect with you, it’s just that these two girls…well women, are the ones I ring in times of need, whether it is to share those sad moments or whether it is to share those happy moments in life. They are the ones who when I know I’m coming down there way, I ring them first before my own siblings to let them know I’m up for a visit if they have the time. They are the ones I go out of my way for.


A Sidenote: One girl I would have gone out of my way for was Amanda C. Amanda had the most beautiful spirit ever, we had known each other since primary school and our friendship continued after high school. When I think of J.J and his cancer, Amanda will often come into my thoughts as she passed away from cancer. These days she has been on my mind a great deal as I think of all the things she missed out on getting to do. Then my thoughts will drift to J.J and I'll think of all the things he will miss out on as well and I can't help but get teary. I miss Amanda every day, I think of her often and while her and J.J only met a few times before she passed away, I hope that once he has gone, she'll greet him for me and make him feel at ease as it was something that she could do in an instant.

Amanda C. and I at Kylie's 21st.

Let’s start with Louise, aka Louie, Lou, also known as wench or wenchy-poo. Louie and I met through a mutual friend in high school. She was very tall (my height), long blonde hair and skinny, bone skinny and quiet – that is until you got to know her and then it was an asylum free for all of crazy.  I’m not talking about crazy antics, though for amusement she would often thread her long blonde hair through her sleeves to pretend she had hairy armpits. I’m talking about a level of crazy on the “Muppet” level – which was my kind of girl. During high school, she was at one, I was at another, we really only got together when our mutual friend Rachel (from the early years) arranged get togethers. Even after high school we still hadn’t started hanging out together on a full time basis as she was pretty much a wall flower of fun (sorry louie but you’d never come out with me any of the times I rung). It wasn’t until sometime after the 21^st birthday year that something changed on Louie’s end (she metamorphosed from the caterpillar into a butterfly –tee hee) and I started seeing her out at the night clubs.  Louise had started playing in pool comps at the club as at the time she had been a university student, university students and playing pool was just a given. It was over a game of pool at the Leagues Club, that we reconnected and began the journey to close friends. I still remember thinking "Wow, she looks hot, completely different to what I had known of her in her faded blue jeans and white shirt look."  Was there a little girl crush there? Probably not, more envious of that bloody long blonde hair and the red dress she was wearing. :)

And so it began. There were the evenings at the night clubs, the weekend long drives in the Zed X (not sounding romantic at all), the car that bled money but we looked cool in it and basically we just hung out. She would indulge me by being my photographic muse (seriously the relationship was purely platonic and not meant to sound as Sapphic as this reads back to me). We rode the dramas together of Louise's past boyfriends and she dubbed J.J as "Duty Free Canadian boy" once he was on the scene :)  Louise was often disgusted at me when I would pay someone to tune our car and would try diligently to teach me how to change the oil. And life went on, and the friendship never faded. I asked her to be a bridesmaid to our wedding in the only classy way I could (the female toilet stalls of the Leagues Club), she accepted and life went on. 

Even after J.J and I moved to another state of the country, we still remained in touch, phone / email. Every time we came to the Coast, I'd make a point of visiting Louie and vice versa. She was... is my sister and always will be. And I hope she knows how much her friendship means to me. I would gush a bit more but she's probably still giggling from the " weekend long drives" paragraph as her husband looks at her with an arched eyebrow as if to ask " is there something you're not telling me?". Relax Leigh, there was only that one night of love we shared and I"m sure it doesn't compare to your own style of love-making.

Disclaimer: Especially to my father - no I am not now nor have I ever been a lesbian (Not that there is anything wrong with that), I'm just joking, having a laugh, teasing a friend's husband....Or Am I? ;)

My other sister . . . Kylie.

When speaking to others about Kylie and I think I have already mentioned this in another post, she is my opposite in personality. She was confident where I was not, social when I was silent. She would drag my sorry arse from bed in the wee hours of the morning to go out and do things because that's what she did. She is always on the go, always burning energy. She could let things go whereas I held onto grudges. 

We first met, when we were eleven. Our mothers were both playing/umpiring Netball out at Bateau Bay Sports centre and together we hung out. Kylie dragged me halfway across a road to go and call out to a group of teenage boys and I, still firmly attached to my childhood was shocked and extremely shy of going anywhere near boys.


Kylie was a shock to my system many times through out high school. We weren't exactly friends, more like acquaintances with mutual friends. Together with our mutual friend Samantha (or maybe it was Jo) we went shopping one afternoon and it was there that Kylie right in front of my eyes shop-lifted a hair dye from the local pharmacy. She tucked it up the sleeve of her jumper (sweater) and shocked is the only word for my expression. I'm giggling as I type this but I remember my reaction would have been the equivalent to seeing someone killed (Yes, yes, I lived a very sheltered life) :)


The next memory I have (and only because Kylie had reminded me of recently) is one of those high school yard things that only a girl would think to do. We had been riding on the school bus home, Kylie had been sitting in front of me with our friend Sam and for whatever reason (I still say you had to have said something to piss me off Ky) I put a Turkish delight chocolate in Kylie's hair, mashing it up to ensure it would be hard to get out. I remember the incident yet not the details, and I think...I think it was either year 7 or year 8 that it occurred.


As school continued, I believe we begun to like each other a little more as we would see each other around the netball courts on the weekend and we continued to have mutual friends. It wasn't until year 12 or shortly after my eighteenth birthday (legal age for drinking) that Kylie started ringing me on a regular basis. 


And thus began the Leagues Club /Club Troppo days. Probably a good four or five years of clubbing were had; drinking, playing pool, playing the pokie machines, drinking, dancing, dancing, dancing, exchanging ice between our lips to tease the guys dancing around us. In this time we were playing indoor netball together as well as taking care of Kylie's son as she took a Chinese food (or was it Thai?) delivery job on top of everything else she did. We went to heaps of movies together, sometimes seeing one session and then crossing over to another movie (without paying - scandalous right? Such a bad influence Kylie. :) 

Now there are a few things about Kylie that just wouldn't make Kylie, Kylie. If you have ever been in one of Kylie's car, you will know that cleanliness is not her friend. Many a time I had to ride "shotgun" with my feet up on her dash board as there was simply no place to have my feet for the amount of clothes, empty food, shoes that were on the floor. It was one of these times, I believe it was the white car Kylie owned that we were on our way to the big shopping centre in the area. My feet were up on the dashboard when one of us, probably me noticed the biggest, hairiest, huntsman ever to be born crawl out from Kylie's air conditioning system and come towards me. I screamed like the little girl I am and begged for her to pull over yet like any good friend she laughed at me hysterically, tears rolling down her face. It was then that the spider started crawling to her yet calm as, Kylie let it climb on the windscreen in front of her before it started coming back to my side leaving me hysterically clawing at the window (with no handle) to get out and Kylie still laughing at me.


Friends (big smile on my face), if you can't laugh at a friend's misfortune then your just not friends. 


Now... to add to Kylie's crimes as a friend.... she's also a bed hog. After a winery weekend with my actual sister and Kylie (Louise were you there as well?), Kylie and I shared a bed together...wait, let me rephrase, Kylie had the double bed and I had the bedside table next to the double bed because during the night, misshogsthemattressalot encroached herself on my side thereby kicking me out - and she'd do it with a smile and I could never, ever stay mad at her.... I do however remind her of her crime wherever possible, hence it being here. :)


Now, her final crime but it actually just turned into a coined phrase...because of Kylie's social network (she knew everyone), whenever we went to the club, one moment you'd be talking to the girl and the next she would disappear - it was something she did, I got use to it, and even appreciated it on some levels as it allowed me to break out of the "shy"  shell I had and if I was going to have fun, I had to rely on myself than my friend to make sure I continued to have fun. (so thanks Kylie- I promise no sarcasm - you gave me back my confidence, intended on your part or not I don't know or care, but thank you none the less).


And we have remained friends ever since. She's the type of friend where you can pick up from where you left off. I don't know how she feels, but to me she is my sister. We have seen each other through some horrible horrible times and we have had many many laughs, lots of fun and I know I can always count on her. 


With J.J's diagnosis, we started thinking about things we thought we wouldn't have to think about... if he dies and then something happens to me, who would take care of Arwyn? J.J and I went through our options and Kylie and her husband Stu were who we wanted. I love them both. They have our sense of humour, they can be fun yet guide with a firm hand, in so much as what I think both our deaths would do to Arwyn (NOT THAT I PLAN ON DYING PEOPLE - I plan on living forever, but  you have to think about these things), I feel that Kylie and Stu would not mess up Arwyn any further after our deaths. I feel that they would guide her, love her, make her apart of their family. Family is important, and Kylie and Stu are family to me and should something happen to us, I want them to know that I trust them completely with the most precious thing J.J and I created together.

Arwyn aged 2.

Again, I want to gush more about them, let Kylie know how proud I am of her (even Dad is always telling me how highly he thinks of you Kylie for what you have done with your life).
Oh I wish I could articulate more about how I feel- but the brain is tired and this post is coming to a close.

I love my friends, not just the ones I have mentioned here, but the ones I have been able to get back in contact with on facebook. I want to thank the new ones I have made like Corrina who was an absolute star at Arwyn's 5th party behind the scenes helping me clean as J.J was unable to help; the old ones, the family, the people I have met on the Neurofibromatosis Support Group and the Fibrous Dysplasia group. I want to thank all the people who voted for us in the CUA competition, that will certainly be something we'll never forget.


I want to say when the time comes, I will need you all and I hope if I ever ask for support that you will be there because I know at J.J's end, I don't want to be alone in the months after. There will be days I will say fuck off, leave me alone - but please understand I need you -


" I don't know why, but every now and again in my life - for no reason at all - I need you. All of you. " - Sara from "The Labyrinth".