With a little help from my friends...

(Please note: if you are reading this blog for the first time, you need to start with the post entitled " The reason" which can be found in the 2011 Archive)

Blog entry preceding this one is "The week that was chemo (ROUND 2- of the current Treatment)".

"When you're in your thirties it's very hard to make a new friend. Whatever the

group is that you've got now that's who you're going with.You're not interviewing, you're not looking at any new people, you're not interested in seeing any applications. They don't know the places. They don't know the food. They don't know the activities, If I meet a guy in a club on the gym or someplace I'm sure you're a very nice person you seem to have a lot of potential, but we're just not hiring right now. Of course when you're a kid, you can be friends with anybody. Remember when you were a little kid what were the qualifications? If someone's in front of my house NOW, That's my friend, they're my friend. That's it. Are you a grown up.? No. Great! Come on in. Jump up and down on my bed. And if you have anything in common at all, You like Cherry Soda? I like Cherry Soda! We'll be best friends!"

From the Seinfeld Script "The Boyfriend (1)"

Written by Larry David and Larry Levin.

The Early Years:

Lily: I liked Seinfeld. I was never a huge fan, but if it was on and there was nothing else of interest on TV, Seinfeld was always my program I'd go to in need. The above quote has always seemed to resonate with me, in particular after I moved away from my hometown where I had lived all my life and what Seinfeld says about friends is completely and utterly true. 

In my childhood you had the "neighbourhood kids" of all ages plus the friends you made in your own class.  Someone would hang out in front of the house and the next moment we're playing basketball in the driveway. You lost one friend to a move or to them being a complete butt wad but a new friend was just around the corner on a bike.

I have some lasting memories of my neighbourhood friends. Lara and her sister Karen, Amanda and her brother Nathan, and finally Adam and his brothers. 

Lil & Amanda K.

Karen, Lil & Lara

These were my go to people. Together we were always making cubbies along the creek embankments next to our houses. We would camp in the backyards and put performances on for our parents. We had  sleep-overs, bullrush (tag) in the front yard, road-tennis, cricket and hide n seek.  When Adam and his siblings moved into the neighbourhood the games became a bit more brutal (boys will do that) with tackle bullrush, brandings with a wet tennis ball (so it would hurt more), water-fights and footy. 

Dressing up, Amanda K. and I married her little brother Nathan to Lara. Karen was the flower girl and I the bridesmaid.

Rachel and Lil dressed up for school social.

When I wasn't doing something with this group just up the road was Rachel who I had known since kindergarten. She was in the white house up on the hillside where the majority of her family lived upstairs while her grandmother lived downstairs with her Siamese cat "Sam". I didn't like Sam. Beautiful cat yet he always seemed to lay in wait ready to take a swipe the moment you walked through the doors. Next door to her was Kirsty. Kirsty was the friend willing to do anything. You could dare her to swing from the rafters and she'd do it blind-folded, one hand tied behind the back while smoking a cigarette. I have a few memories of Kirsty. One in which her, her brother Darryn, my brother and I went up the hillside into the bush to smoke cigarettes. For me they were my first and I absolutely hated it. My other predominant memory I have is being out the back of Rachel's house in her little log cubby house and Kirsty swinging a hand-axe around near my toes. That was the day it felt as though Rachel and Kirsty were ganging up on me (butt-wads), also the day I decided never to be their friends again and yet a few days/weeks later we were all friends again. All kids are butt-wads, myself included.   

Adam and I were the same age. Early on in the relationship I was given a Christmas card from him that ended with "love Adam". He was teased by our older siblings and he took the card back off me, scribbled out "love" and then threw the card back at me before running off. Right then, I knew we would never be boyfriend and girlfriend (not that I wanted that because boys were icky in that way) and somehow a friendship of sorts formed. Probably out of boredom but after our childhood games we would spend the twilight hours throwing a ball through a hoop and talk about everything and nothing. In high school this continued, however to me, our relationship was more about the girls that I hung around with that had Adam's attention. Could I tell them messages? Could I ask them around and somehow I became a go between for Adam and a friend called Samantha.

I'm sure everyone wishes their childhood could have lasted that little bit longer or in the very least recognise the true value of it. I loved riding my bike around the valley with my friends. I loved fishing for eels in the back creeks, or jumping off the top of the wall down onto the sandy embankments. I loved the bush walking we use to do taking Snake Gully, through the rocks, swinging yourself up a tree onto the rocks to discover "lounge rock" and feel like you were the first kid to have been there.

Of my childhood friends I am friends with all of them on face book. I like having them there. To see how their lives turned out, their families of their own, just knowing I have a childhood connection there is comforting even, if I never speak to them again. I like knowing that if we were both inclined to talk, the opportunity is there.

Friends in my thirties:

The writers of Seinfeld had it correct; it is very hard to make new friends in your thirties. I would actually go and say it was even hard in your twenties to make new friends. And to clarify here, I am talking about the kind of friends that are “keepers”, not just a work mate who you sometimes get together with, or someone attached to your sport /craft / dance club – I’m referring to people in your life where it doesn’t matter where they live, who they marry, what job they do, how many kids they have, how much baggage they have that you have placed in “the vault”, you will always be there for them in needs of peril and vice versa. You may have heard their stories a million times over, you may hate it when they speak the truth about a dress you try on, but it doesn’t matter because in the end, they are one of the select few who “get you”.

For me out of a group of ten to fifteen girls from high school only two have made it to a “still in contact” / “get you” point. This is no disrespect to the girls I have reconnected with on face book who were apart of the group, as I love being able to reconnect with you, it’s just that these two girls…well women, are the ones I ring in times of need, whether it is to share those sad moments or whether it is to share those happy moments in life. They are the ones who when I know I’m coming down there way, I ring them first before my own siblings to let them know I’m up for a visit if they have the time. They are the ones I go out of my way for.


A Sidenote: One girl I would have gone out of my way for was Amanda C. Amanda had the most beautiful spirit ever, we had known each other since primary school and our friendship continued after high school. When I think of J.J and his cancer, Amanda will often come into my thoughts as she passed away from cancer. These days she has been on my mind a great deal as I think of all the things she missed out on getting to do. Then my thoughts will drift to J.J and I'll think of all the things he will miss out on as well and I can't help but get teary. I miss Amanda every day, I think of her often and while her and J.J only met a few times before she passed away, I hope that once he has gone, she'll greet him for me and make him feel at ease as it was something that she could do in an instant.

Amanda C. and I at Kylie's 21st.

Let’s start with Louise, aka Louie, Lou, also known as wench or wenchy-poo. Louie and I met through a mutual friend in high school. She was very tall (my height), long blonde hair and skinny, bone skinny and quiet – that is until you got to know her and then it was an asylum free for all of crazy.  I’m not talking about crazy antics, though for amusement she would often thread her long blonde hair through her sleeves to pretend she had hairy armpits. I’m talking about a level of crazy on the “Muppet” level – which was my kind of girl. During high school, she was at one, I was at another, we really only got together when our mutual friend Rachel (from the early years) arranged get togethers. Even after high school we still hadn’t started hanging out together on a full time basis as she was pretty much a wall flower of fun (sorry louie but you’d never come out with me any of the times I rung). It wasn’t until sometime after the 21^st birthday year that something changed on Louie’s end (she metamorphosed from the caterpillar into a butterfly –tee hee) and I started seeing her out at the night clubs.  Louise had started playing in pool comps at the club as at the time she had been a university student, university students and playing pool was just a given. It was over a game of pool at the Leagues Club, that we reconnected and began the journey to close friends. I still remember thinking "Wow, she looks hot, completely different to what I had known of her in her faded blue jeans and white shirt look."  Was there a little girl crush there? Probably not, more envious of that bloody long blonde hair and the red dress she was wearing. :)

And so it began. There were the evenings at the night clubs, the weekend long drives in the Zed X (not sounding romantic at all), the car that bled money but we looked cool in it and basically we just hung out. She would indulge me by being my photographic muse (seriously the relationship was purely platonic and not meant to sound as Sapphic as this reads back to me). We rode the dramas together of Louise's past boyfriends and she dubbed J.J as "Duty Free Canadian boy" once he was on the scene :)  Louise was often disgusted at me when I would pay someone to tune our car and would try diligently to teach me how to change the oil. And life went on, and the friendship never faded. I asked her to be a bridesmaid to our wedding in the only classy way I could (the female toilet stalls of the Leagues Club), she accepted and life went on. 

Even after J.J and I moved to another state of the country, we still remained in touch, phone / email. Every time we came to the Coast, I'd make a point of visiting Louie and vice versa. She was... is my sister and always will be. And I hope she knows how much her friendship means to me. I would gush a bit more but she's probably still giggling from the " weekend long drives" paragraph as her husband looks at her with an arched eyebrow as if to ask " is there something you're not telling me?". Relax Leigh, there was only that one night of love we shared and I"m sure it doesn't compare to your own style of love-making.

Disclaimer: Especially to my father - no I am not now nor have I ever been a lesbian (Not that there is anything wrong with that), I'm just joking, having a laugh, teasing a friend's husband....Or Am I? ;)

My other sister . . . Kylie.

When speaking to others about Kylie and I think I have already mentioned this in another post, she is my opposite in personality. She was confident where I was not, social when I was silent. She would drag my sorry arse from bed in the wee hours of the morning to go out and do things because that's what she did. She is always on the go, always burning energy. She could let things go whereas I held onto grudges. 

We first met, when we were eleven. Our mothers were both playing/umpiring Netball out at Bateau Bay Sports centre and together we hung out. Kylie dragged me halfway across a road to go and call out to a group of teenage boys and I, still firmly attached to my childhood was shocked and extremely shy of going anywhere near boys.


Kylie was a shock to my system many times through out high school. We weren't exactly friends, more like acquaintances with mutual friends. Together with our mutual friend Samantha (or maybe it was Jo) we went shopping one afternoon and it was there that Kylie right in front of my eyes shop-lifted a hair dye from the local pharmacy. She tucked it up the sleeve of her jumper (sweater) and shocked is the only word for my expression. I'm giggling as I type this but I remember my reaction would have been the equivalent to seeing someone killed (Yes, yes, I lived a very sheltered life) :)


The next memory I have (and only because Kylie had reminded me of recently) is one of those high school yard things that only a girl would think to do. We had been riding on the school bus home, Kylie had been sitting in front of me with our friend Sam and for whatever reason (I still say you had to have said something to piss me off Ky) I put a Turkish delight chocolate in Kylie's hair, mashing it up to ensure it would be hard to get out. I remember the incident yet not the details, and I think...I think it was either year 7 or year 8 that it occurred.


As school continued, I believe we begun to like each other a little more as we would see each other around the netball courts on the weekend and we continued to have mutual friends. It wasn't until year 12 or shortly after my eighteenth birthday (legal age for drinking) that Kylie started ringing me on a regular basis. 


And thus began the Leagues Club /Club Troppo days. Probably a good four or five years of clubbing were had; drinking, playing pool, playing the pokie machines, drinking, dancing, dancing, dancing, exchanging ice between our lips to tease the guys dancing around us. In this time we were playing indoor netball together as well as taking care of Kylie's son as she took a Chinese food (or was it Thai?) delivery job on top of everything else she did. We went to heaps of movies together, sometimes seeing one session and then crossing over to another movie (without paying - scandalous right? Such a bad influence Kylie. :) 

Now there are a few things about Kylie that just wouldn't make Kylie, Kylie. If you have ever been in one of Kylie's car, you will know that cleanliness is not her friend. Many a time I had to ride "shotgun" with my feet up on her dash board as there was simply no place to have my feet for the amount of clothes, empty food, shoes that were on the floor. It was one of these times, I believe it was the white car Kylie owned that we were on our way to the big shopping centre in the area. My feet were up on the dashboard when one of us, probably me noticed the biggest, hairiest, huntsman ever to be born crawl out from Kylie's air conditioning system and come towards me. I screamed like the little girl I am and begged for her to pull over yet like any good friend she laughed at me hysterically, tears rolling down her face. It was then that the spider started crawling to her yet calm as, Kylie let it climb on the windscreen in front of her before it started coming back to my side leaving me hysterically clawing at the window (with no handle) to get out and Kylie still laughing at me.


Friends (big smile on my face), if you can't laugh at a friend's misfortune then your just not friends. 


Now... to add to Kylie's crimes as a friend.... she's also a bed hog. After a winery weekend with my actual sister and Kylie (Louise were you there as well?), Kylie and I shared a bed together...wait, let me rephrase, Kylie had the double bed and I had the bedside table next to the double bed because during the night, misshogsthemattressalot encroached herself on my side thereby kicking me out - and she'd do it with a smile and I could never, ever stay mad at her.... I do however remind her of her crime wherever possible, hence it being here. :)


Now, her final crime but it actually just turned into a coined phrase...because of Kylie's social network (she knew everyone), whenever we went to the club, one moment you'd be talking to the girl and the next she would disappear - it was something she did, I got use to it, and even appreciated it on some levels as it allowed me to break out of the "shy"  shell I had and if I was going to have fun, I had to rely on myself than my friend to make sure I continued to have fun. (so thanks Kylie- I promise no sarcasm - you gave me back my confidence, intended on your part or not I don't know or care, but thank you none the less).


And we have remained friends ever since. She's the type of friend where you can pick up from where you left off. I don't know how she feels, but to me she is my sister. We have seen each other through some horrible horrible times and we have had many many laughs, lots of fun and I know I can always count on her. 


With J.J's diagnosis, we started thinking about things we thought we wouldn't have to think about... if he dies and then something happens to me, who would take care of Arwyn? J.J and I went through our options and Kylie and her husband Stu were who we wanted. I love them both. They have our sense of humour, they can be fun yet guide with a firm hand, in so much as what I think both our deaths would do to Arwyn (NOT THAT I PLAN ON DYING PEOPLE - I plan on living forever, but  you have to think about these things), I feel that Kylie and Stu would not mess up Arwyn any further after our deaths. I feel that they would guide her, love her, make her apart of their family. Family is important, and Kylie and Stu are family to me and should something happen to us, I want them to know that I trust them completely with the most precious thing J.J and I created together.

Arwyn aged 2.

Again, I want to gush more about them, let Kylie know how proud I am of her (even Dad is always telling me how highly he thinks of you Kylie for what you have done with your life).
Oh I wish I could articulate more about how I feel- but the brain is tired and this post is coming to a close.

I love my friends, not just the ones I have mentioned here, but the ones I have been able to get back in contact with on facebook. I want to thank the new ones I have made like Corrina who was an absolute star at Arwyn's 5th party behind the scenes helping me clean as J.J was unable to help; the old ones, the family, the people I have met on the Neurofibromatosis Support Group and the Fibrous Dysplasia group. I want to thank all the people who voted for us in the CUA competition, that will certainly be something we'll never forget.


I want to say when the time comes, I will need you all and I hope if I ever ask for support that you will be there because I know at J.J's end, I don't want to be alone in the months after. There will be days I will say fuck off, leave me alone - but please understand I need you -


" I don't know why, but every now and again in my life - for no reason at all - I need you. All of you. " - Sara from "The Labyrinth".

The week that was chemo (ROUND 2 - of the current treatment)

(Please note: if you are reading this blog for the first time, you need to start with the post entitled " The reason" which can be found in the 2011 Archive)

Blog entry preceding this one is "Oh the Places we have lived".




So the week that was...


MONDAY:
J.J: We made our second trip in a week out to Dreamworld (amusement park) and White Water World, Arywn may wind up thinking that this is normal, and we can't have that now can we? This time was a little different, we'd prepared for our day, planning everything out before hand. We'd even rented a cabana for the day, which is brilliant, I'd recommend doing it to everyone, but as I want to have one whenever I go, I won't recommend it to anyone... However, if you do chose to get it, there is a table, two reclining lounges, a two seater sofa, ipod dock stereo (in our case it didn't work), safe and fridge with six complimentary beverages. You can order food from the cafe and they deliver it to you. It's the perfect place to kick back and relax during your day. Which, is really what you are there to do isn't it. Plus, while the kiddies are running around in the water park, you can kick back with the kindle and just enjoy the very noisy serenity. I don't think I'll ever go without getting a cabana again.

Well, having just spent the day at the park a week before, I wasn't overly eager to race through the rides. I can graph it out now that the older you get the more my desire to be on the thrill rides decreases. So, I wanted to go on a few I missed out on the previous trip and once they were done, I was content to kick back for the day. I started off with the Green Room, it doesn't look terribly intimidating, but looks are deceiving. I went on it with Kylie, Stu and Joel, as Arwyn was too small and went on a different one with Lily, planning on a tag team attack. Several times during the ride, I thought I was going to lift and fall out of the inner tube and plummet, not too my death, but a "Oh, Shit! this is going to hurt" fall. Fortunately, we didn't... good ol' gravity keeping us all in place. Although, young Joel, who is all of nine, didn't seem to enjoy the thrill of potential demise quite as much and his screams were more of the sheer terror variety than excitement and thrill. And they continued for a few moments even after we were safely standing on the bitumen. Clearly, the young fella hasn't found his thrill point yet.

Arwyn on the other hand, well, she's an adrenalin junkie. Ride after ride, she screams with excitement, usually yelling faster! Faster! Her disappointment is palpable when she is too short for certain rides, but I suspect at the rate she is growing, she'll be able to go on just about every ride by the time she hits her sixth birthday. Which leaves me to wonder what she'll be doing for fun at sixteen, eighteen and twenty-one. Presumably, she'll have already tried skydiving, base jumping and bungee jumping all before then.

Monday wound down, and came to a quiet finish with pizza and dinner at home with good friends, I sadly crashed out early and I do regret not being able to stay up and enjoy a visit and amiable conversation. But, the fatigue just got the better of me.


Lily: Dreamworld and Whitewater world the 2nd trip. J.J pretty much said it all. Though while he, Kylie, Stu & Joel got to go on the Green room, Arwyn and I had barely moved for the Hydro-coaster ride due to ride failure. Highly recommend the cabanas and like J.J will also never go again unless one is booked.
Oh and this time I remembered to hold onto my daughter going down the slide instead of letting her fall through the tube which made my heart beat a little faster with worry that she was going to drown mid-slide the first time we went to the water slide park.


Tuesday:
J.J. Woke up, dragged the clippers cross my head, had a cup and then Lily drove me to the hospital to start the next round of chemo. This time was different, my love was actually going to stay with me for a visit. How awesome! After waiting for two hours, we got word that my bed was ready and I was stoked that it was the best bed in the ward!
CRAP! The "annoying, depressing, everyone has to be as miserable as I am, why aren't I the centre of attention, I want to bash his head in and put him out of MY misery wanker" is still in the room.
This is going to be a rough few days.
Lily and I sat and chatted and loved during the few hours she could spend with me.
The evening brought more excitement as we tried using face book video chat to read Arwyn a bedtime story. She was stoked! Which in turn meant I was stoked.


Lily: I seem to be drawing a blank. The head is tired, the brain is non-existent, I'm going to go with what J.J said I did, only because it sounds like something we did and not something completely out of character like get naked in the middle of the hospital singing at the top of our lungs " I AM THE LIZARD QUEEN." Though that probably has been contemplated from time to time I suspect.


Wednesday

Not much else to say, but the fatigue really caught up with me and I crashed and burned at seven p.m. next thing I know it's eight a.m.
Guess I needed some sleep.


Lily: There was a Wednesday in this week?


Thursday:


Lily: Pretty much worked the entire day, couldn't say thank you enough to our friends Kylie and Stu who did above and beyond yard work in both the front and backyards. And missed them the moment they left. In the evening, Arwyn and I brought out reheatable meals and together as a family we sat at J.J's bedside and ate our dinner together. I think this will be one of those memories that will stick for me. 
Another night of non sleep however. My brain thinks too much. Trying to organise things. Trying to work out a way to get $1200.00 of owed childcare fees from a parent who refuses to return my calls. I've done the work, just pay me - complete and utter utter cow.


J.J: Well, its back to the same old routine. A lousy night of sleep from nurses that need lessons in stealth. Being woken up to early for blood tests etc. Breakfast, sit around and wait for doctors to come around and tell me I'm a great patient - which really means, I don't ask uncomfortable questions that they can't answer, because despite all of their degrees I'm really only a file number and the top page of the folder that they happened to read.
But, I digress.
Today was special as Liv and Arwyn joined me for dinner. I opted for what was brought instead of the hospital fare. We got to read a story.
All is good in the universe.
Good night.


Friday:

Lily: Well today is officially day one for me with eating healthy having started ordering from "Lite N Easy". I am completely happy that I do not have to go without bread, as bread to me is breathing. It's all about portion control and apparently I need help with that, so these guys can do that for me until I am at a point where I can take over and do it myself. So fingers crossed the weight will come off as I'm tired of being pushed back into the ocean every time I sun bake on the beach by Greenpeace. 


J.J.: Really, I cant stand this idiot diagonally across from me. However, its amazing how effective a 'fuck off, I didn't ask you to come sit next to me and chat' is. Fortunately, no one else was in the room at the time, but it makes me wonder if they would have been appalled by the bluntness or would they have appreciated the honesty. Seriously, I've always known every ones time line is finite and so I've always happily spoken my mind, whatever  the consequences may be. Except, with this one there can be no consequences. Happiness ensues  for the rest of the day.


Saturday:
Lily: Oh my fucking god, I feel fucking wrecked. Everything hurts, my face especially. It's 10:36am, have to go and get ready to visit with J.J. I'm yearning for a coke right now. My jaw hurts, my back hurts - everything hurts. Yet nothing in comparison to what J.J is going through. Suck it up princess, suck it up.

J.J. It's Saturday, the chemo is kicking my arse today. Not sickness, just fatigue and malaise. Lily and Arwyn visiting is a bright spot, but after they go all I want to do is roll over sleep and be in solitude. I really don't need someone asking me how I am every half hour. Just hurry up and let me out of here.



Sunday:

Lily: Picked up J.J at 10 this morning. He's tired and I hate to drag him to the grocery store but we need supplies. With the new way of eating for me, I've cooked in bulk for Arwyn and froze the meals, that way I know that even if I am beyond wrecked, she'll still have a healthy meal and I wont feel like such a bad mum. I would cook for J.J as well, but damn his chef status and the lack of my own culinary skills because nothing I make is up to his standards. Not to say that he throws a tantrum or anything if I cook spaghetti bolognese; on any normal non cancer day he would eat it just as I would his stir-fry's (I'm not big on stir-fry's - usually too much chewing involved for my teeth with all the vegetables, Bok Choi etc). It's just that it is not his favourite meal and would prefer something different which is fair enough. 
Last night he chose pizza as his " get out of hospital" meal - I only think he ate 2 slices ( almost unheard of pre-cancer), - I don't think a day goes by that I do not worry about him. Watching for signs of decline, ascertaining whether or not it's the start of it or whether it is simply just " not hungry".

The constant worrying keeps for my late nights. I'm getting tired.

J.J. - It's Sunday, going home day.
"You're going home today?" From the whinging idiot.
"Yep." Me, in neutral tone - Yes, I am capable of not sounding angry.
"Oh, there's nothing like getting to go home and sleep in your own bed." From the nurse.
"God, yes. It will be awesome to be at home, t.v. big bed, loved ones, etc." - Me.
"I haven't been home in more than six weeks. Been stuck here." From the idiot.


The room is full, Liv and Arwyn are here, I'm too tired to care, so I bite my tongue and hold back on reminding him that he has CHOSEN to be there for six weeks and is free to go at any moment. In fact if it wasn't for whinging, he would have been tossed out the door.
I digress again.
I trundle off with my two rockstars.
God I love the two of them so much.
I worry about Arwyn growing up.
I worry about Liv being alone.
But, I know that they'll get through the future together.
They are awesome.

Oh the Places we have lived.

(Please note: if you are reading this blog for the first time, you need to start with the post entitled " The reason" which can be found in the 2011 Archive)

Blog entry preceding this one is "Christmas Eve & Christmas Day" in 2011 Archive.



Lily: For those of you who do not know, J.J is keeping a blog of his own, to record memories and stories of his time in Canada before he and I met. Today's entry takes inspiration from J.J's thought process.

Our first rental home together (Bluefish Crescent, Tascott):

After our engagement, my father had said we should move out and find a place of our own. We had barely been together a few weeks officially and the thought that we had to move out so quickly (in my eyes) was surprising. J.J barely had a cent to his name using his savings to fly over and was only working to supplement his travelling whilst here in the country and I was just a university student who had been living at home with no income. Now, before my father rings me up upon reading this, in his defence, his reasons for wanting us out of the ancestral home was so that we would have our privacy (which is fair enough) as any young couple should and want to have yet I was thinking "practicality".
This place was $225.00 p/week.

My memories of it include...

•  A mouse dying in the wall between the laundry and the lounge room and using every chemical known to man to be rid of that "dead" smell, that only a rotting mouse corpse can have.
• Trying to impress the chef J.J by cooking a banquet of a Chinese meal for his first birthday as my husband. I remember sending him to our room, and ordered him to stay there until I called him. Mainly because I couldn't stand him over-looking my shoulder while I cooked less I be embarrassed by my poor culinary skills. I had used the back patio area as our dining room, lighting as many candles as I could find, only to have the evening turn into a disaster due to a fierce wind ripping through the screens and the food being cold because we did not have a five star kitchen with ten burners to match my over-ambitious goal I had set for myself. He claims to have loved the evening, I suspect that he is being husbandly by sparing my feelings.
• (Family /Friends avert your eyes) Making love in every room of the house, including one particular hot and sweaty romp in the hallway 
• Getting ready for our wedding.

J.J.:

so i had been pretty comfortable in my hovel back in Ottawa, it was a hole in the wall but no matter where I went in the world, it was home. Then, one day into my egocentric existence a gorgeous girl arrives and her enticing smile and the sparkle of her eyes entices me to come to Australia just like the siren's song. I was warmly welcomed into the household and it was there that our love blossomed and grew until her spell enticed me so that I asked her to marry me. She said yes. And we had to find a place to live.
Well, despite Lily's commentary on my sliding scale of time, I think it was the very next day that I saw the for rent sign go up on Bluefish. How, utterly convenient. It was a nice little place with an open plan kitchen living room and dining area. With the generous support of our families we were able to furnish it and set ourselves up on the years and adventuers we had before us.
I remember our first Christmas there decorating the tree we mentioned in a previous entry.
I remember the dead mouse. God it smelt awful, a sickeningly sweet and earthy aroma
I remember throwing ice water on each other while showering.
I remember the birdcage and the lonesome death of Fergus.
I remember waking Lily up as we came back from the bucks night.
I remember Lily sleeping with a baseball bat, certain that someone was breaking in, until one night I heard the noise as well and leaped up to investigate only to discover that the loud clicking was the power box clicking on and off.
There were some dinner parties, with beef wellington, triple chocolate mousse for dessert. And well,  I cant remember the rest of it but it was a joy to cook for a new family.

54 Bluefish, was filled with laughter, games and happiness.
But, the time came to move... and the search for a new home began.

Our 2nd dwelling:

 East Gosford:
The most awesome apartment ever to be lived in by us :)
Price $175.00 p/week and we signed a year contract.

We moved for one simple reason, Bluefish landlord wanted to raise our rent and I wasn't having a bar of that. We rented the top floor corner apartment on the left, with one of the most spectacular views of  "Brisbane Waters". It had yet to renovated and so we dealt with 1970's coloured carpet, cracks in the brick work and a dark wood late 70's early 80's kitchen. A poorly designed kitchen as they had the oven right in the middle of the floor at eye level which thereby blocked the view. It had air-conditioning in the lounge-room, three rooms, open plan living/lounge and a laundry room in the apartment. No elevator so moving in was hard work carrying boxes and furniture up three flights of stairs, though most of the heavy lifting was performed by my brother (thanks you're a legend), my dad (yet another living legend) and our next door neighbour at dad's house Rick (thanks again). Jeff had the pleasure of working at his new place of employment out at Terrigal Beach (lucky bastard).  We had the garage door on the left and after a few mishaps I worked out that the best way to get in and out of it, was to reverse into it. Sadly my reversing skills was only in its early stages at this point and so J.J's beloved bicycle that he had brought with him from Canada was sadly a victim that has still to recover.

We didn't really get to know our neighbours with some small exceptions. On the bottom floor, left hand apartment was an elderly gentleman who was the building's "know it all" & " Busy-body". His breath smelt of liquor and he was constantly updating us on what could and couldn't be done around the building according to the body-corporate by-laws. Next to his apartment was what we referred to as the "white trash" family. A woman and her teenage son, and the woman's boyfriend. Many a fight was started in the early hours of the evening between the step-father and the son with lots of colourful language, slamming doors and screaming. When a door was slammed in this building whether it was from angry words or the wind, you could hear it and feel it as the building shook a little.

I really wish I could find photos of the view for you to see, however at this point digital cameras were only for the professional photographers and while photos were taken with the SLR camera, the actual photos have disappeared.

Memories of this place:


Smoking something not all together of the legal variety on the balcony at sunset which pretty much did our heads in with constant giggling and I felt really sleepy.

• Being too hot in the bedroom so J.J and I switched our lounge room into the bedroom and brought our bed out in the lounge room  to be closer to the air-conditioning.
• Having friends and family over for dinner parties.
• Starting to try for a child.
• Finding out by phone that my grandmother had passed away.
• Finally selling the Nissan Skyline we had bought from friends to a deaf couple. The car still didn't have a working handbrake or window and had to be treated like a lady to get the thing to start. We made back $1300 from that sale.
• Buying "Boris the Red", our first proper car where everything worked.
• (Family /friends look away, look away) - a day of love-making seeing how many times in total we could make love in just one day.
• Having my friend Louise try and show me how to change the oil in my car as she was disgusted at the thought when I said I would just pay someone else to do it. 
• The constant Fish deaths in custody.
• The water-heater dying a death and flooding our apartment, it was over 20 years old.
• Being disgusted that our landlords wanted to raise our rent to $185.00 per week. I really took it personally every time a landlord wanted to raise the rent. (lol)
• Upon making a decision to move to another state of the country, we packed up our things. It was at this point that to our horror an indoor plant we had been keeping (on carpet) decided to make a perfect circular shape in our carpet by dissolving the carpet underneath the plant. We thought we had been doing the right thing as a tenant by buying a drip-tray for the plant but to our stupidity, we didn't realise that terracotta provided a perfect breeding ground for moisture. Fearing that we would loose our bond, we did the responsible thing of trying to hire a carpet cleaner to see if he could fix it... to no avail. We then stuck our tails between our legs and approached our Real Estate Agents of our Landlords (L.J Hooker), being very apologetic and pleaded our stupidity. To our luck, the landlords didn't care as they were going to renovate the entire apartment and rip the carpet up anyway.
• All the birds that would settle on our balcony railings to give J.J their morning song. :)

We spent about four to six months living with Lily's dad while we saved as much as we could do for the move and then found ourselves in Queensland.

J.J: I loved this place.
Oh God, how I loved this place.
It was one of the greatest apartments ever.
Three bedrooms, a bath that wasn't disgusting, an internal laundry, wrap around balcony, big dining and lounge area.
Did I mention the spectacular water views?
The creepy know it all neighbour that would bring your laundry in for you if you were out and it was going to rain. I used to tease Lily that he was doing it just to fondle her undies. To which she retorted it was probably mine that he preferred.
The fights from the downstairs neighbours were always entertaining, and we would stop watching t.v. and run to the interior balcony just to be able to listen more clearly.
There were plenty of convenient shops nearby with great take away food.
What more could we have asked for?
Well, apparently, Lily was dirty at paying $185/week. I having spent more for less, just had to shake my head and try and explain just how awesome our yuppie scum bag apartment was.
Would I trade our current house for that apartment? That would be a pretty tough call, but I think the house would win out.
Just...
I loved the lorikeets that made a home on our balcony morning and evenings. Sure they were noisy, but they were pretty and shut up after 30 minutes.
I loved getting to BBQ on the balcony, taunting the neighbours with the smells of garlic, rosemary and lamb drifting throughout the building and neighbourhood.
I don't miss the three flights of stairs when bringing up groceries.
And for the record, I was working the day we moved out as well. Thanks everyone for helping out.
I also remember that we turned the bedroom into a games room and the ensuing competition that Lily and I had playing GTA and Liberty City. We got to take all our frustrations from life and I imagine each other out in the game.
I don't think often about any of the other places we have lived together, but I do think about Webb St. For the time we were there it certainly felt like home.

Our 3rd dwelling:

Coorparoo.
Price: $220.00 p/week (Lily hated paying this much but it was one of the cheapest and livable places we could find in Brisbane).

We got this place after looking everywhere in Brisbane for somewhere. We tried the big real estates and we tried private landlords, we got rejected (our first rejection), finally finding both a place and a landlord that seemed to meet our needs. The landlords Sam and Selina were a young couple who owned two apartments in the same building, renovating our one just prior to us moving in, they really seem like a lovely young couple and were very glad to be living in one of their apartments. Our apartment had new carpet, new kitchen, new bathroom.
It was small.
It was really small. Combined lounge/dining/kitchen, two bedrooms, bathroom, with laundry facilities located in our garage. And the garage was a bitch! It was the first garage of eight (I think) which meant that you had a sharp curve to navigate - first time I entered it, the magna got scraped down the side and I was pissed off!

Memories of this place:

• We made the drive from NSW to QLD in two days as at that point J.J hadn't got his licence yet and I couldn't do the 12 hour drive on my own in one day. We arrive in the afternoon and begin the unpacking. By around 7pm that night, we were both exhausted but were wary when there came a knock at the sliding glass door. There before us was a lady in her late forties who we had never seen before explaining to us that she was the new landlord having just bought the place. We were completely taken by surprised and felt betrayed by Sam and Selina who had not mentioned to us at all that they had intentions of selling the place. The way in which this woman introduced herself made us both feel obligated to her, for if she was our new landlord then it was best to play nice if we wanted to stay in the place and having just moved states, the thought of having to do it again so soon was unthinkable. So we let in a random stranger into our new rented apartment simply because she said she was our landlord. As it turned out, she had only been interested in the place and just wanted to show her son around but I think if we had of been in a right frame of mind and not so exhausted from moving we would have turned around and said a polite "fuck off" and dealt with the consequences of that later.

• We chose this place because J.J was starting a new job, we needed a place asap and it was clean and affordable. Had we had enough time, we would not have chosen it at all for the very simple reason that while it wasn't a main road, it was a road that connected two main roads. What this meant was in the wee hours of the morning you had all manner of cars hooning down the road. And because we had no air-conditioning, we had to leave the windows open to get any air.... which meant no sleep because of the noise.
• One night, while laying in bed reading I just happened to look up at the ceiling to see that it was moving. Perplexed by this image I refocused and saw that the ceiling was indeed moving - because a spider egg sack which had been cleverly camouflaged near the light had burst open releasing a great deal of small spiders (hence the moving ceiling). I immediately jumped from the bed, freaking out on a number of levels and either myself or J.J crystallised the ceiling and I probably burned the sheets that were directly underneath but if my spider-fear wasn't huge at that point, it certainly became so from then on.

J.J:
I never liked this place.
We took it out of necessity.
There were some horrible places that we looked at during our search. One of which, on the waterfront in Sandgate on Flinders Parade was in such a horrible state I brought the keys back and went off on the real estate for having charged me to view the property. It also horrified me that they would let the property be in that condition and try and rent it. - The "pool" was little more than a koi pond. The carpet had been pulled up and left in a pile in the centre of the room. Oh yeah, a wall was leaning on a 45 degree angle!
The house that we were rejected for hurt. It was a gorgeous colonial highset in Sandgate. I would have actually considered buying it at one point I saw so much potential with it. But, for whatever reason we were knocked back. As a result we became Southsiders. Which, in the long run turned out to be more convienent for work.
My memories aren't much different than Lily's. I was deeply put out by our new "landlord" and the fact she showed up again the next day with more family. Seriously! Go away!
I remember the heat. God it was hot in that place. And the way it was designed meant there was no airflow unless you left the front door open as well.
I've always been one to laugh at Lily's fear of bugs/spiders. However, the moving ceiling was, shall we say... unsettling. I don't think we slept in the room that night, opting instead for the spare room.
The blow off valves on the cars would go just as the little bastards reached our place, and it was from that moment on that we decided never to live on a main or divided road again. In fact, any address with road is just going to be bad.
Eventually, Sam and Selina did sell the apartment. Turns out they were hoping to buy the entire place unit by unit, except one owner dug her heels in and for whatever reason annouced that she would never sell to the two of them. As a result they unloaded their two units and we had a new landlord, very nice gentleman, it was just coincidental that we had decided to move as he was taking over.

Our 4th dwelling:

Coorparoo.

Price $275.00 p/week (eventually went up to $295.00)

We had had enough of Pembroke Rd, plain and simple. Apartment was too hot with the windows having to stay closed and it was too noisy. So I started looking for another place that had air-conditioning and was not on a main road. About three streets over we found a house and since we were both now working we could afford to up the rent.

This house was nestled between two apartment buildings which meant for many eyes staring at you on either side but this was also our first rental property that allowed us the adoption of a cat. And its colour scheme probably influenced what we were to do inside our own home.

Memories of it include:

• Nemesis the cat falling out the bedroom window and clinging for dear life, very reminiscent of the scene from Lord of the Rings where Gandalf the Grey Wizard clings to the rock bridge before falling into the unknown.
• Finding out we were pregnant for the first time after years of trying.
• While pregnant getting my first and only late night craving. It was around 1am, and I was desperate for food, any food and since we rarely had time to shop for groceries being at work in the hospitality industry, we had nothing in the house. Now at that point, McDonald's which was down the road from our house was not opened past 10:30pm and the only other thing opened was the Service Station. I raided there food section like a kid in a candy store coming home with those Breakfast drinks "Up and go"'s by Sanitarium and I think I downed at least three of those, a packet of biscuits and something else ridiculous. Now while it satisfied the hunger....it also made me ill. I think it took about twenty minutes later that it all came back up.
• I think the next memory has pretty much wiped out all other memories from this place it was so horrific. We had been here for about a year and a bit, we were pregnant and we thought it was now or never to take advantage of the "First home buyers" government grant to aid in buying a house. With the house chosen, the loan granted all we had to do was move and clean the rental to get our $1000.00 bond back. The move was flawless, the cleaning was done and I at this point was five to six months pregnant. Like we had with any other rental we had contacted the real estate to come and check the place for approval to get our bond back. Well...things didn't go to plan. 

The real estate agent took three days to visit the house after I had completed cleaning and phoned them. When I rung to find out what had been taking so long with the exit report, I was told by the 20-something real estate person that the place was not up to the real estate's cleaning level. I asked what was wrong with it and he replied that there was a layer of dust on the counters, the windows were not cleaned and then a list grew....nothing major just little bits and pieces. I explained that three days ago when I had finished cleaning that there was no dust. He replied that that was not his problem I should have timed the clean better. A second viewing time was arrange and I returned to re-clean the place. 

Now, I know for a fact that J.J and I are very good tenants. We took care of every single place we have ever rented and left it in the same condition that we received it in. We never put holes in the wall, we never trashed the place, left burnt out furniture in the middle of the lounge room or garbage. The police never came around to our house and no complaints were ever made and if any accidental damage was done, we paid to have it fixed immediately.

Again, I cleaned the house. I got down on my pregnant belly and cleaned that mother-fucking place until I could eat off the floor. It was cleaned. IT WAS CLEANED!!!

The real estate boy begged to differ. He declared it wasn't cleaned (again) and would not sign off on our bond release. We again asked what the problem was and he said there was dust on the venetian blinds and there was grease behind the oven knobs.

KNOBS PEOPLE! He said there was grease behind the oven knobs. Now answer me this honestly, if the knobs are fixed how many of you actually clean behind the knobs. He was being a dick. Plain and simple. 

J.J got angry. J.J got really angry! J.J has never been this angry in the entire time that I have known him and he was ready to punch this young boy for being such a cock-sucker. Now after spending six hours scrubbing this place clean with nothing else for the real estate guy to bitch about with the exception of grease behind the knobs and dust on the blinds I was tired. I was pregnant. I was hormonal. I was emotional. 

I explained that the dust was there on the blinds when we moved in to which he replied that " Well, you should have written that on the entry report." I replied with " Who does that? Write dust on an entry report??"

He basically shot us down stating that he could not release the money. J.J fuming went to move towards the guy. I stepped in between the two, tears streaming down my face and sent J.J away. I turned to the real estate guy and explained that our level of clean was never going to be good enough for him and to take $120 out of the bond money to pay for a cleaner of his approval. He did this, we got the remaining bond money and forever the real estate company of "Ray White" will never receive any of our business ever again because this guy was such a butt-wad!

After this, we moved into our first home, complete with mortgage with thanks to J.J's parents for helping us. We have appreciated that on so many levels - Thank you.

The first thing we did in our home was nail as many nails into the wall as possible without having to check with any real estate before doing so - IT FELT GOOD!

And every time a "Ray White" real estate agent rings up, asking if we would like a free valuation on our home and we explain to them politely that we would rather place barb wire up our own bottoms than to use Ray White as a company because of the incident we had, more often than not, they apologise on the company's behalf and scamper off with their tails between their legs. Run rabbit, run.

J.J:
The second Cooporoo address.
I loved this place, it felt homey. I liked the design and layout. There were french doors that opened from the main, air-conditioned, bedroom into the front sitting room. The dining room, had windows all down the side of it and it did catch the evening breezes. The lounge area was small and really could only be set out one way, but it worked for us.
The kitchen was massive. Most importantly it had a gas cooker! OH, how I loved a gas cooker. The food was just that much better, even when it was worse, from that gas cooker.
The back yard was massive, long and narrow, and always offered up tiny surprises. Loganberries, mulberries, cherry tomatoes are just a few of the little pleasures that I can remember.

One evening, while tidying up for an Easter weekend dinner party, I had my first up close and personal experience with Australian reptiles. Something, was coiled up under the plastic water feature, and didn't like that I had woken it from its evening nap. It made me run inside and quickly try and identify it on the web, to no success. That prompted a call to the local snake removalist and he wanted WAY too much to come out. By the time I went back outside and tentatively moved the water feature again, said little critter was gone.
Whew....
Damn it. Where is it now?
The rest of the time there was met with caution anywhere in the garden.
This was also a place where we got to entertain guests again.
I love entertaining.
Dinner, games, drinks with friends all are always welcome.

Our departure from this place....
Lily has given fair warning to family and friends about what is about to come, I do now for my language in the next portion...
The little fucker from Ray White.
Its now five and a half years later and I will still strangle this little cunt if I ever see him again.
Let it go I hear some of you say.
I can't, for whatever reason he got under my skin.
Lily was right, I got angry. She did step in front of me and send me to the car. Would I have assaulted him? Probably not, but I really, really, really wanted to.
There has never been anyone I wanted to see arrive in my gaol more than this little shit. The greeting would have been along the lines of "Remember me?"
I don't care what he came in for, his ass would have been mine.
Not proffessional I know, and I never would have jeopardized my career for him, but the thought of it makes me calm and gives me warm and fuzzies.
The parts of it Lily left out.
He was almost two hours late for the inspection appointment. We had to actually go around to the agency and find out what was happening. When he said it wasn't clean and needed to be redone. I told him give us an itemized list, now, and we'll redo it while he waited. He explained that he couldn't do that as he had other appointments to go to. It was about this time that I was thinking of how to dispose of his corpse...
"Fuck you!"
Silence.
"Fuck you, there is. You kept us waiting for two fucking hours, you wasted two hours of our day, you can sit the fuck down for two hours while we clean."
"That's not going to happen."
"Then get someone else from the agency down here now."
"There isn't anyone else."
"Then get the principal of the franchise."
As I suddenly stepped forward, my anger off the scale - in all honesty, I cannot remember anyone that has ever made me quite as angry and that includes being hit by cars, dumped, shot at and broken into. It was then that Lily saved his life, kept our house and prevented me from going to prison. He went reaching for his phone, who are you going to call? The people at work that aren't available to come and review our dilema?
I went and reluctantly sat in the car while he EXTORTED the $120 cleaning fee.
I wrote letters of complaint to the agency, the Queensland head office, the national office, I even wrote to Ray White head office in the U.S.
I never heard back from them. Which, is probably more the reason I never want to deal with them. A simple letter of we apologise for hiring such a fuck-wit, we'[ve had him buried up to his chin in the middle of the Australian Bight. Would have mellowed me right out.
Alas, it wasn't to happen.
I wonder what my blood pressure is right now....

We have our own home!

Thanks to my parents and my then employer George Kalatzis. May your names be sung from the heavens and your images be carved as large as Mt. Rushmore.